Okay, so I said I would write once a week. Yeah, here is one of those 'things' about grief and grieving. You have all the best intentions, but sometimes the drive is just not there. You would think that after nearly three years, I would be 'Normal' again. Well, here is another 'thing' about grief and grieving. It hits you when you least expect it.

     Father's Day started out so well. My eldest son dropped his family off in California so they could visit us and went on his business trip. I had an amazing time with four of my grandchildren. We explored the California Science Museum and the Getty Museum. Then we had a 'Just Hang Out' day and made waffles with a delicious variety of berries, syrup, whipped cream, and snow (powdered sugar)! Sunday morning everyone came for breakfast. It was delicious, great company, and so wonderful to be with two of my sons and families at the same time! So, what was wrong with that you ask?  Nothing. Not a thing!          
   
     After breakfast, my family left and I decided I was pretty tired from a very busy week. So, I took a nap. This 'nap' lasted 3 hours. I guess I really was tired. I was going to go over to the Cemetery and put flowers on Terry's grave, but decided against it. I thought maybe I was coming down with something because I still felt so tired. So, I laid around and took it easy for the rest of the night. Well, that was June 19th.

    All week long, I worked on my Sewing Room project and accomplished a lot. Good, right?? It was good it was getting done, but I felt myself slowly going down the proverbial Rabbit Hole. I had no desire to talk to any one. I just wanted to quietly work on my project. So, I did.
   
    My dear friend, Debbie, called every night to check in on me. She has been a rock for me through this journey, as have many others. She knows I am not usually a non-people person so when I become that she knows I have started to hide in my shell. Before Terry passed away, I asked Debbie to not let me stay in bed for more than a week after he passes. She has dutifully done what I have asked. Thank you my friend!
   
     So, today, I woke up. I said a very long prayer because I knew it was not good to stay in this funk. After my prayer, I listened. Father in Heaven told me that I was doing all right. He let me know that I am on track with this grief thingy! (Good to know) He told me that for the past 40+ years of my life I have taken care of others, whether it be my husband, my children, my parents, Terry's parents, callings in church; the list could go on forever. He admonished me to know that it was NOW time for me to take care of myself first. What???  This is a foreign concept to me! I am ashamed to admit that I have gained a bunch of weight over the years. I want to lose it now. I want to be healthier. I want to be able to do some of the things I used to do. So, okay... sounds simple, right?
   
     Another 'thing' about grief and grieving is NOTHING is simple any more. Not for me anyway! Maybe it is different for someone else, but it is not simple for me. Everything I do involves me creating a plan or it just does not happen. Yes, everything. I cannot explain it. Well, maybe I can. I have always been a list-maker and I think because of the lack of control over losing my 4-parents and then my spouse, and a bunch of friends, I now feel the need to 'know' exactly how things are going to be.  I simply feel like I cannot do last minute. I do not deal well with last minute changes.  I am trying to work my way through it, but I am not quite there yet.
   
     In time, I am told. In time. So, time marches on and I keep waking up every day. I keep trying to accomplish all that I have set goals to accomplish. I am finding new ways to succeed in taking better care of myself. I am getting out to activities that involve other 'Singles' (that will be a topic for another day).
   
     I am a work in progress. As this blog continues, I will begin to insert stories of when our lives changed, blessings, miracles, courage, and love. Bear with me... Remember, I am a work in progress!