One Widow's Journey

I have a story to tell. A story about loss. A story about suffering and pain. A story about peace and hope. It is the story about my continuing journey through the hardest time of my life. I was told that I should write this back in 2013, but it has taken me these three years, crossing many bridges, and scaling many mountains, before I felt I had the strength and the ability to share my story.

 But first, I need to catch up on a few other events in my life: I can hardly believe that it has been six years since I posted anything. Well, many times I have thought I need to write "My Story so I can help others get through their pain." But where do I start? So many, many life altering things have happened since 2010.

First, my dear mother, Emalyn Hunt Keith passed away on 22 September, 2011. She was diagnosed with Lung Cancer on 5 August, 2011. It was a tough journey for my Momma, but I know she is at peace finally.

 I need to preface this news with what preceded this event. In 2002, December 1st, my mother-in-law, Jean Jeannette Burchfield Shelby passed away after a 4-month battle and surgery following a stroke. In 2005, October 13th, we lost my father, David Glen Keith, Jr. to Lung Cancer from Asbestos Poisoning from years of working as a painter. In 2008, December 1st, 6 years to the date of his wife's passing, we lost my father-in-law, Charles Ancel Shelby, also to Lung Cancer.
For those of you who believe that smoking doesn't hurt you, take a look at my family. Yes, every one of these people smoked for decades and each of them suffered terribly from the after-effects.

Ok, so we thought we were going to get a breather for a while after all of this loss. It was not to be so.

On November 26, 2012, we received news that would change my life forever. My husband, Terry Shelby, was also diagnosed with 4th Stage Lung Cancer-Adenocarcinoma. There was a tumor the size of a liter bottle found on his right lung. This explained so very much to me. My husband did not 'feel' well a lot, but he also did not want to go to the doctor. On Saturday morning, November 24th, 2012, Terry was getting into the shower when I noticed many welt-like bumps on his chest. He had been coughing a lot and thought he had bronchitis. The welts looked like swollen blood vessels to me. Terry said, "We will just wait to see if it goes away." These were words Terry lived by. We will just wait and see.

I told him this time we were not going to just wait and see. Something is terribly wrong. So, we went to the Urgent Care and the doctor ordered a chest x-ray. TJ, Nicole, and family had driven in and were going to be at Disneyland for a few days. Monday came and Terry still wasn't feeling well, so he told me to go to represent us both. While I was driving in on the Tram, Terry called. I could not hear him over the voice-over on the Tram. I told him I would call him as soon as I got off. When I did, he told me the doctor called back. There was a large mass on his lungs. She scheduled an appointment with the Pulmonologist on Tuesday, the 27th. I told him I would head home. He told me not to come home because we did not even know anything yet. I talked to Jared and told him to make sure he went with his dad. He did.

I spent the night with TJ and Nicole and family. The next day, we stopped for Pizza for lunch and Jared called me. He told me I better sit down. I said, "Then this definitely is not good news if you are telling me I have to sit down." He told me it definitely was not good news. Terry had Lung Cancer, Stage 3 or 4, the doctor guessed. He scheduled Pet Scans, Bone Scans, Blood Tests, and every other type of test you can imagine. I went home that afternoon. I could not be at 'The Happiest Place on Earth' where the love of my life and I had spent so much time at during our lives together, while my life was falling apart.

All of the boys gave me advise. Don't let Dad see you cry. You need to be strong for him. Tell him he can beat this. Tell him NOT TO GIVE UP!

Well, anyone who knows me, knows that I cry at the drop of a hat. The darn hat dropped, got run over, and ripped apart all with one sentence. "He has Lung Cancer." I cried all the way home. I cried the moment I saw him.I cried all night long. I just did not want to let go of him. How was I going to get through this and be strong for Terry? I have had to be the strong one throughout a good part of my life and now, when I needed to be the strongest ever, I just wanted to curl up in a ball and die!! Yes, I did say that.

 I begged Father to not take him home. I begged for it to be me instead of him. I begged for a miracle. And, a miracle came. Not the one I wanted, but it was a miracle, none the less. Because of the size of the tumor in Terry's chest, the doctor's told him to get his affairs in order. We knew from my father, David Keith's lung cancer, and from his father, Charles Shelby's lung cancer, and from my mother, Emalyn Keith's lung cancer, that there usually is at most 6 - 8 weeks from diagnosis to death.
We called our Home Teacher, Craig Holmes, to give him a blessing. Clive Woods came also. Terry was blessed with a miracle to be able to get everything of Eternal consequence completed before his death. He gave his son's and oldest grandson, blessings, as well as me. The biggest step to get done was to be sealed in the temple to me for Eternity. And he did accomplish this.

We were blessed with eight months of time that were spent filled with love, struggles, and pain but Terry knew he was loved and will be loved forever. On August 4th, 2013 at 1:15 am, Terry passed from mortality into eternity. I have never felt such physical and emotional pain as I did that day. I stepped into the shower and laid on the floor and just poured my heart out to my Father in Heaven. I prayed for Him to stop the pain. I prayed for the Atonement to be applied to my pain and deep sorrow. It seemed like I was in there for hours. I don't know. Maybe I was. I just know that when I asked for a release from the pain and to feel hope again, I was granted that blessing. I was able to get back into bed and to sleep more soundly than I had in months. Terry was in my dreams. He was whole and happy. I was so grateful that he was free from that horrid pain he had suffered from so valiantly.
Does life continue? Do we move forward? Does the pain ever go away? Stay-tuned...Life is an adventure.